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*This has been sitting in drafts since August, but I decided to post it today. Still reminders everywhere of the preparations that should still be in full swing but aren't.*

One of the cruelest things I have noticed recently. Ads based off semi-recent browsing. Seems innocent enough right?

Well last month I was browsing cute maternity outfit ideas for Fall/Winter. This month the ads popping up are of those items, and it stings. The email reminders that I looked at something but didnt check out, offering a discount and "hurry before its too late".

Well, it is too late already. 3 weeks ago it became too late. I was cleaning/swamping out our bedroom today and found a list of baby name ideas. All of my pregnancies I have spent the duration doodling and writing names ideas, things I need to do to get ready, goals, reminders. I was working on a wardrobe capsule and sketched different outfits from what I had in my closet and what basic pieces I needed.  Dumb I know, I just like to feel in control and feel like I am planning. I keep finding these little reminders on the backs of envelopes, bookmarks, random pages in notebooks. So much for control.

The positive of that though, is it shows me my husband was right. I was happy about having another baby. I was preparing like for all my other kiddos.

My tiny baby, you were here for such a short time. I had 10 days of knowing for sure my family was growing, a couple weeks of anticipating. I wanted to name you Oliver James. I had a feeling you were a son. If you were another daughter I liked Scarlett or Theresa (Tessie for short). Of course I likely couldn't have talked your daddy into any of those names. Who would you be? How would you have fit in our family. Who's smile would you have? Would you have brown eyes like your Daddy? Maybe you would have my curly hair? Your 5 brothers and sisters are supposed to be sleeping, Daddy is gone for four days of Guards. The house is quiet. And I miss you, without ever having met you. I miss you.