I Love You To My Butt

So Bear's recent thing is saying throughout the day when I am helping her with something, or snuggling her, "I just love you".

So I always tell her "I love you too."

We had read the book Snip Snap Croc a few months back, for a period of time it enjoyed the status as favorite.  As such, I started adding in that I loved her "as high as the sky, river deep, and ocean wide."

Bear's response is to hold her hands slightly apart and say "I love you this much, just a tiny bit".

I then spread my arms all the way apart and tell her "I love you this much."

Then she spreads her arms way apart and reaches behind her back to hold her hands together while saying "I love Daddy to all the way around my back". Which has since been shorten to "I love my Daddy all" and occasionally "I love Daddy behind my back".  

Why yes, Bear is a Daddy's girl.  Keen of  you to pick up on that. You might also be aware that as cute as it is, it still hurts Mom's feelers a wee bit.

I can usually negotiate and get Bear to spread her hands a little farther apart, but always "I just love you little, I love my Daddy all!" 

This afternoon she was feeling generous, she put her arms around and smacked her thighs "I love you to my butt!"

Ha ha, Thanks kid.

Substitutions

I have a terrible habit of thinking I have everything I need to make a recipe. Reality tends to not match my line of thinking.  Most things I make are "inspires by the intended recipe"

The Hubby figured this out when he was still the Boyfriend and had automatically started asking "Are you sure you have everything you need? Did you look at the recipe? " by the time he was the Fiance. These days he has just come to accept if he is home before I have started cooking he might get an errand request.

More typically I am googling substitutes. Here is my question:

How many substitutes can you make before it's not the same recipe anymore?

Bonus Question: How many can you plan on making before drawing the line and saying "New Plan"?

Last night we had "inspired by Chicken Cordon Blue casserole" with no ham.

Josh-isms

Me: Hey what happened here? Where did this mess come from?

J: It must have been Daniel because it's never my fault right mom?

Me: Hey, indoor voice bud.

J: I don't have an indoor voice. My dad told me that.

Kids really don't comprehend sarcasm.

J: Mom you know what I forgot? I forgot to tell you my tales from preschool!

Me: You could tell me now.

J: OK, I will share my tales of preschool with you.

I feel as though he is going to be a poet, author, or playwright when he grows up.

J: You don't know everything mom.

Me: Yes I do.

J: nuh-uh

Me: What don't I know then?

J: uhmm...I don't know.

Me: Then how do you know that I don't know everything?

J: Because God is the only one who knows everything...and Trish.

Makes sense, God and preschool the source of all knowledge in the world.

J: I know never to talk to strangers. I watched a video and learned that in Preschool.

Me: That is good know and remember. You should only talk to strangers if Mom or Dad are with you.

J: But it's okay. I can just ask them their name and then they will be my friend not a stranger.

Because asking a question apparently doesn't count as a talking. It also explains him yelling at vehicles driving by: "Hey what's your name?"

J: Is the baby getting big?

Me: Yes she is, she is growing.

J: So her bones won't break if we step on her?

Me: Don't step on your sister.

J: hmmm...oh, ok.

And tummy time suddenly seems more dangerous.

They Say Everyone Has a Twin

This weekend the boys and I were vegged out on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons.

There are many parts of parenting that are no where near the Hallmark visions that danced in my head pre-children, but nothing beats cuddling on the couch, sharing a blanket...and two quiet-not making a mess-angelic-sitting still-distracted little boys.

A commercial with Shaquille O'Neal came on advertising spray-on Gold Bond and my newly minted 4 year old got huge eyes and suddenly yelled out:

4 Year Old: Hey that looks like Uncle Don!

4 Year Old: Mom, he looks just like Uncle Don!!!

It was so funny and adorable.  So far all I can come up with is they are both quite tall...and have a mustache.
Don't worry I labeled the comparison so you won't get them mixed up.

**PS - I'm trying to convince my BIL to shave his head and carry around a basketball for Halloween.**

Communication is Key

Conversation with my Hubby last night.

Me: So have you noticed anything different? 

Hubby:  {Looking around} Well, you haven't cut the Big D's hair 

Me: No, he still won't let me any where near him with the clippers.

Hubby: Smart kid...I don't know what do you want me to notice?...that your plant is still alive? 

Me:  Yes, my plant is still alive, but that's not it either.  It is around that area though. 

Hubby:  You spent more money on a mirror. 

Me:  Yes, and I hung it up a couple days ago.  Now the wall doesn't look so empty. Better right?

Hubby: {no comment}

So I learned two things last night.

1.  The empty space on the wall only bothered me.
2.  Apparently I am really proud of my single living plant...and giving bad haircuts.

My Husband is a lucky man :)

So Many Rules, So Many Fish

My children are as controlling/OCD as I am.
They have inherited the only wanting to do something your way.
Which is irritating for me, because it, well we have established this. I want it my way.

Making arbitrary rules that are to be followed by others. 
With the caveat that the rule maker is clearly above any rules they make.  
Future politicians? Or turning into their mother?

The Toddler going over the rules.

Rule #1) The red fish are mine, I catch them all.

Rule #2) You can catch the green fish.

The Big D putting back every single fish that was caught.

Thee longest game of all time...it couldn't end.

Rule #3) You can only put Mommy's fish back.

Then the starting and stopping of the game at least 8 times.

Rule #4) Each fish has a designated spot.  Be it know that Fishing cannot commence until each flounder is accounted for and in place. Really I'm surprised he didn't issue permits.

No not yet, that ones isn't in its spot.

No not yet, this one goes here.

No not yet....

The Big D gave up fishing and decided to use his hands....against the Toddler's rules...until he tried it too.

Rule #5) No using your hands!

Rule #6) If you use your hands, you have to do it like this.

They tested out the poles from all angels.

Then they decided Mom should hold on to each of their poles to help them catch fish.

I can help one kid....I'm not talented enough to fish simultaneously double-fisted.

Especially while attempting to follow Rules #1-2

(at this point I can envision double-fisting adult beverages other things)

Then the sport of plastic fish began to wane.

The problem with a multitude of very specific rules...is that they aren't fun to follow.

With rampant rule breaking...they turned to bigger fish to fry catch....Themselves.

At this point I walked away, I don't fit in with the fishing crowd. 

Plus I didn't want to get netted. Though watching the fish's valiant fighting effort was entertaining.

And the poles were put down, mom's patience was gone...but we survived.

A Christmas Story, the Pirate Version

Sunday was the kids CCD Christmas program after mass.  We received a phone call personally inviting us to attend Saturday night, as they planned to dedicate the performance to the deployed military members of the parish.  They also had a small token they wanted to present the families. They gave us a very pretty wreath, and after mass we stayed in our pew for the much anticipated performance.

The Christmas story as told by a Grandmother mouse who apparently was at the stable where our Lord and Savior was born.  They are lucky that cute children played the parts of the mice, otherwise a story of vermin living for several thousand years wouldn't have been my idea of a great story.  Anyway, the costumes were adorable, one of my favorites was a little star.   Who I felt bad for, he had no lines and just had to stand there.  The Big D loved the sheep and immediately stood up to give them a standing ovation, complete with clapping, laughing and pointing....SHEEEP SHEEP! SHEEEEEP!

Most of the kiddos read their lines in that monotone-self-conscious-why-am-I-being-forced-to-do-this kind of way.  The audience was expected to sing along with the common Christmas tunes, but not understanding the low mumbled lines, and being Catholics, audience participation was poor (really you would think everyone would have caught on to the fact that Catholics don't sing...and if we do it isn't well.) My memory of some of the songs was rusty...my little family did a lot of humming along.  The true stand outs of this play were the camels though.  They came in with dark shades dancing and bee-bopping on altar stage..  They had no lines as a rap song version of we Three Kings was played and they danced, I laughed so hard.  It was cute, they were really the only animated and in-to-it characters...and it didn't fit with the rest of the play, but was so fun.

Not the actual KCs/Kings from our parish,
but a visual to help with the story.

Apparently there weren't enough child actors so three of the Knights of Columbus played the parts of the three kings.  I'm not sure if you have ever seen the KCs in full costume, but when they came into view the Toddler loudly shouted "I think those are PIRATES!!!"  At the end of the play when the procession of thespians marched by, he again was excited to point out them out. "Yep, those are three pirates! one-two-three!"

As a thank you to the CCD, I did truly love the play.  Thank you for the wreath and acknowledging our troops that won't be home for Christmas.  The program was cute, and I honestly didn't expect Gangsta Camels or Pirates. It was a memorable twist.

Children and Funerals Don't Mix

Top Ten Reasons Why the next Funeral I attend I will go it alone:

1) Children, they make you run late, always. The more prudent it is to be punctual or early, the later you will actually arrive. 

2) Toddler Quotes and Narration: "There are two Fathers Mommy, One-Two, One-Two, TWO FATHERS!  See Mom, One-Two Fathers!"  I know...please just stop talking!

3) If you have two small children at some point during the service they will head butt each other, and they will react as if death is eminent. 

4) The Toddler running around eating the snow that he had just stepped on at the graveside. Me unable to gracefully deal with it because of the wiggly-Stage-5-Clinger in my arms. "The snow is tasty in my Tummy" he explained to the priests afterwards. 

5) Trying to grab the 3 inch stiletto heel of a girl standing behind us in line at the reception. (The boy does have good taste in shoes, they were adorable....I'm just hoping he didn't look up her dress) 

6) Wandering away from all of his "new friends" and taking off solo without a coat to the park behind the High school  instead of playing nicely with the other kids at the VFW Hall. 

7) Separation Anxiety: AKA -clingy baby who cried at any movement by Mom for fear he would be abandoned. 

8) More food was worn in hair and by the floor than was consumed. Apparently mashed potatoes are the new hair gel. 

9) Always with the untimely diaper changes/Potty Breaks.  The VFW hall has curtains instead of doors on the stalls in the ladies bathroom. After actually finishing his business, the Toddler thought others may be up for a friendly game up Peek-a-Boo. 

10) "I had really fun time at Foonwal (Funeral) we go to another one?"

Thankfully my Sister came and sat with me and helped wrangle kids.  She was smart enough not to bring hers.  However an ongoing argument ensued  about whether or not he was in fact her nephew.

After such scandalous genealogical revelations were aired:
Including the likes of these earth shattering zingers:

Did you know that grandma is Mommy and Aunt Bs mommy?

Aunt B and Mommy are sisters, just like you and {the Big D} are brothers. 

 You are my nephew, and {my kiddos} are your cousins.

NO NO NO NO!!

I not nephew!  I {The Toddler}!

I not a cousin, I not a nephew!

Nooooo, she not my Aunt, she just Aunt B....and she not my Nephew either!

Oh the horror, I know bud the world no longer makes sense.

Nosferatu or Something Slightly Less Sinister

You remember from the last week's Photo Bomb that the Toddler took a liking to his batman mask?  The thing might have bat calling powers...for real.  Either that or it was a curse bestowed upon me because we were talking about bats at work last week.  Bats are pretty much flying mice with wings as far as I'm concerned, and you all know how I feel about mice.

While staying at my parents house, my guest bed is the living room couch.  You know, out in the open without protection from house intruders, spies, villains, mayhem, bats...


I come out of the bathroom and walked into the kitchen just in time to see a bat flying around!  With pure malicious intent and I could tell it was honing in on my hair, cuz' that's what bats do right?  But, because I am brave and heroic and have always been one to step up with courage when the actual moment calls for it, I let out a scream and ran back into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.  Then I thought I'd better suck it up and make sure it really was a bat, so I opened up the door and crept back towards the kitchen. There I saw my nemesis once more flying around.  So I did the only logical thing one could do,  let out another scream and hit the light switch on my way running back to the bathroom!

In case you aren't familiar with the layout of my parents house, that particular light switch is for the bathroom andnot the kitchen. That still doesn't explain why I also seemed to have forgotten than bats like the dark not the light! I panicked alright?

 I have included a visual to help you follow along, kinda like drawing it out with a crayon.

So there I am, hiding in the pitch black bathroom wondering how to tell if the bat is in there with me.  I hear my parents door open and my Mom lovingly say "What is your problem?"

Because they are understanding like that...by the way and am I the only one who noticed it took TWO screams to rouse their interest?  Really where is the love? Your curiosity isn't roused after one blood curdling scream?  They also didn't seem to initially buy my story of a bat either. We looked around and couldn't find it and they were content to just head back to bed.  I was not content with that plan at all.  I wasn't ready to stay out in the open unprotected from a flying rat.  I pulled my hoodie on my head and helped in the search, and spotted the vermin on the floor by the bathroom. (It was following me! Again the turning OFF the light was not my most brilliant plan)  Then scurried to the couch and huddled down while Dad picked it up with a napkin and reintroduced him to the wild out the back door.  Just thinking about the sound it made still gives me goosebumps.

Bats aren't exactly a rare thing, its just the cats used to catch them.  Or you would see them outdoors, where I can tolerate them much better.  Trapped in the same room together...different story.

It's Fun and Games Until Romeo Gets Pregnant

I should have seen the signs.  I should have paid more attention...but alas I am too late.  I suppose I should start at the beginning though.  The Toddler has always been a flirt, going back to the days of being a swaddled up little baby burrito.  A cute smile or wave to any female that caught his eye.  Young or Old made no difference.

What can you expect from a little boy who's first word was Boob?

While waiting in a parked car he would smile and wave as Jr. High girls passed by on the street. "I just waving at the pretty girls Mommy", always loud enough to be heard.  I just smiled thinking he probably made someone's day.  Checking out the cheerleaders at a basketball game before he could even walk...that made Dad happier than it made Mom.

You probably know we have bounced around quite a bit this year trying to get settled into daycare.  We had friends, family, and anyone else we could find watch the boys for a week or so at a time until we found an opening so both boys could be together.  One of our in between care givers was debating about opening a home daycare to supplement income.  She decided to be a stay at home mom and was expecting her 2nd bundle of joy.  So we had a deal for about a month or so to give it a go, it really did work out great.  Our parenting styles were similar and our kids got along well....maybe a little too well.  When picking up the boys I noticed the Toddler being pretty affectionate with his new friend.  They always hugged, we headed off attempted kisses....totally using this as ammo to humiliate them when they get to high school.  That's what good parents do right?

The Toddler also seems to have a crush on the little girl next door (another reason for the fenced in back yard).  He picks her flowers and asks about her all the time.  He has been pretty much smitten.  We joke about them dating when they get older...and are again thankful for the fence.

 Then at daycare last week he is saying goodbye to all the other kids and walks up to one little girl and says "I Love You" and leans in for a kiss.  She promptly stiff arms him and pushes his face into the door.  Shot Down!  The poor little guy's pride was hurt more than anything.  Then that night he tells me "Mommy, I like daycare....there are lots of pretty girls there"  Alright little play boy...you had that coming!

All in all though, I thought he was just being an innocent little boy.  Everything all cute and harmless, maybe imitating adults around him.  Until 3 days ago...when he told me he was pregnant.  That's right Hubby, apparently our 3 year old little boy is knocked up! Honestly, I didn't see it coming.

The boys were sitting at the table having breakfast on Saturday, directly after getting in trouble for fighting over toys and pushing each other.  The Toddler was narrating his day.

Toddler:...and then Baby try to hit me, and Mommy be mad at me, and then we give loves....and then I go to daycare and eat breakfast.

Me: Daycare?  You are eating breakfast at home honey.

Toddler: And then I go to daycare and eat, and food turn into little tiny baby, and I have baby in my belly. 

Me: You have a baby in your belly? 

Toddler: Yeah, see? (Opens mouth wide) 

Toddler: And then the baby keep eating my shirt all gone and makes my tummy hurt. 

Me: The baby ate your shirt? 

Toddler: Yeah the baby eat my two shirts and then I can't cover my belly and it hurt, the baby in my tummy hurt my belly.

Me: Your tummy hurts? Do you feel okay?

Toddler: My tummy not hurt, I just have baby in my belly. 

Me: ....{silence*}   

Then at church the next day he shared his condition with everyone he could.  He also informed me before bedtime that he couldn't go to sleep because he was hungry again.  When I told him that he already had supper and he said he was full. It was time for bed, I wasn't buying hungry again.  Then he informed me that the baby is his belly was still hungry and he needed to feed him.  Riiight.

Coming home from daycare today

Toddler: I need to get the baby out of my tummy so he stop laughing at me.

Me: The baby is laughing at you? 

Toddler: Yeah, the baby in my belly laugh at me, how I get him out? 

Me: That is a very good question, I don't think I know how to answer that.

*Yes Hubby, it really does happen sometimes, I don't always have something to say.

The Grocery Shop

Toddler: We need to go to the Grocery Shop 

Me: After breakfast. We have to eat first; then get dressed and make sure we have fresh bum-bums on. Then we will go grocery shopping. 

Me:  While you two finish eating, Mommy is going to make a list of everything we need.

Toddler: Mommy I help you list? 

Me: Okay sweetheart....first thing on the list: we need milk 

Toddler: Yep, we need milk 

Me: We need Butter 

Toddler: No mommy, we no need butter 

Me: Well we do have some, but Mommy uses that kind to cook with. 

Toddler: Mommy, we need butter. 

Me: Its settled then, butter makes the list 

Me: What else do we need? 

Toddler: We need Rollerskates! 

Me: Rollerskates? 

Toddler: Yeah, and we need a little tiny baby! 

Me: Mommy meant what do we need for food, thats what we buy at the grocery store (little tiny baby...I think not....Hubby why do they always side with you?)

Toddler: We need buy...uhmmm....we need buy...ahhhh....we need buy...cereal 

Toddler: and we need buy cereal, and we need buy cereal, and we need buy cereal, and we need buy...uhmmm...cereal 

Me: Okay, cereal, got it.  Anything else? 

Toddler:  We need to buy carrots, and carrots, and we need buy carrots, and more carrots, and we need to buy carrots, and we need to buy more carrots....Woah Mommy, that a lot of carrots! 

Me: Sure sounds like a lot of carrots...Do you even like carrots? 

Toddler: Oh yes Mommy, I Wove Them! 

Me: Carrots it is!

Meanwhile throughout this process the Toddler is drawing "pictures" on all over my list and knocks the notebook out of my hand.

Me: Uh-oh, where did our list go?

Toddler: I don't know

Me: Can you help me find the page we were making our grocery list on?

Toddler: We weren't making list Mommy...we were just papering.

It is always an adventure grocery shopping with two little ones.  Heck even the prep work is entertaining!

Wife~Vs~Mouse

I knew this day was coming.  I knew no matter what preparations I tried to take, I would never be ready for it.  It really was only a matter of time...before I would face one of my biggest fears. *Dun dun duuuuhh*

I had mentioned here that I have a crippling fear of mice.  I also shared that there were mouse droppings found in my car recently. I vacuumed them up 3 times...twice the signs returned by the next morning.  After the last cleanup though I placed a sticky trap in the one place the droppings kept appearing....and waited.  With dread, sweaty palms, and knot in my stomach each morning I checked out the floorboards of my car.  A week passed and no mouse was captured, no taunting signs of his presence left behind.  The trap was inadvertently disarmed when it attached itself to my friend's flip flop.  With no more signs though, I began to let my guard down. I didn't even replace the trap. I exhaled and felt some weight lift off my shoulders, by the end of the week I wasn't even checking anymore as my morning routine.

Then yesterday his calling card was left once more and it all changed.  With a scattered pile of vile mouse turds on the drivers side floorboard, fear had entered my life once more.  I picked up the boys from daycare and took my car to the car wash.  There I vacuumed the car thoroughly once again, and went through the automatic carwash to make the Toddler's day.  After bringing the boys into the house I placed TWO sticky traps.  One on the drivers side and one on the passenger side floorboard.  I figured if thats were the demon was marking his territory, it would be there the battle would be fought. Bring it you mousy bastard!

I hardly had time to prepare myself for the horror that laid ahead of me.  After all, the fiend would need to be caught and eventually I would need to face my adversary. War is not for the faint of heart, yet courage was not beating in mine.  I went to the garage to grab some meat out of the freezer, and decided to checkout the car.  There I saw it (with the Psycho music blaring through the garage).  I summoned all of my courage and strength, screamed bravely at the top my of lungs, boldly slammed the car door and gallantly ran back into the house.

Then I sent a text to my favorite brother-in-law to come rescue me, which he did...in under 5 minutes!  How awesome is he? Even the cops take an average 20 minutes! (I may or may not have attempted to guilt my husband via facebook into coming home from Afghanistan to protect me).

If either of my other BILs happen to read this just know that to even compete for the prized roll of favorite you will really have to step up your game. This man has protected me from mice that were stuck in sticky traps more times that can ever be repaid (once even from TWO mice in the same trap!).  Solid unabashed hero stuff really.  I have another BIL who probably would come rescue me as well...but he lives 80 miles away, so you know he loses some points for not being able to provide a speedy response time.  Actually all my BILs would probably come rescue me when push comes to shove, but the fact remains that only ONE has.  So he wins....you guys didn't even know you were competing did you?

You may have caught on at this point of the story that I am prone to exaggeration, please just take away from this, that it was incredibly scary. (Also you will note there are no pictures...do you really think that if I am too afraid to empty a mouse trap I would stop and take pictures of it?)

Memorable Convos from Work: Peanut Butter & Monkeys

I shouldn't laugh, but my co-worker always has the sweetest, friendliest voice when she answers the phone. She politely thanks telemarketers for calling (after all they are just doing their job), and asks them if they please wouldn't mind taking us off their calling list and then wishes them a good day. Professional and friendly at all times.


Apparently there is also a different side. A side that isn't about to put up with rude people. A side that I find hilarious when it comes out. I was sitting over in my desk dying trying not to snort too loudly the other day while eavesdropping a phone call. 

"Hello, {Small Oilfield Trucking Company}, this is {Co-Worker}"

Telemarketer starts schpeel, wanting the owner's phone number

"I'm sorry he's not available, could I take a message?"

Telemarketer becomes increasingly rude

"Well he's not available to talk to you!"

Telemarketer gets nasty

"Do you really think you are going to get anywhere talking to me like that?"

Telemarketer went too far

"OK you're really not going anywhere now. {click}"

Note to self, never suggest anyone remove Peanut Butter from their ears.


One of the biggest benefits to being a working mom is getting getting that adult interaction and conversation, as well as working with fun people.  Getting to know people and their personalities better.  You never really never know what to expect as far as conversations go at my job, so I define "adult interaction" a  wee bit loosely. (Doesn't every talk about Pirate Monkeys?)  This is probably why I also occasionally get warnings about needing to  focus more on work and less on socializing.  Sometimes a little bit of office randomness helps balance the crazy of everyday life though.  It's little moments like these that make my day, and I know I would miss them if I were a fulltime at home mom. 

Lesson to take home: If you are a telemarketer, keep in mind if you try the vinegar approach to catch flies, don't expect honey...I'm just saying.

AWK-WORD

Do you ever write a word out, or happen to just look at a word for awhile and suddenly it just doesn't seem like it is spelled right? No matter how you say it, or spell it, something seems wrong?

Like "plumb"...really, what the heck P-L-U-M-B? I know its right, but it just looks so wrong. What kind of word is it anyway? Plumb? Now it doesn't even sound right.

Actually, as I am writing this, "wrong" seems wrong too...something really is WRONG with me isn't it? ('Too' is getting to me...well uhm...too. I'm just going to stop writing now.)

Worrisome Words

You know what number I hate writing out? 40

I put an inordinate amount of time thinking about how to spell out that word Every. Stinking. Time.

4 - FOUR
14 - FOURTEEN
40 - FORTY (wth? it messes with the mind)
400 - FOUR HUNDRED
4,000 - FOUR THOUSAND

Whats up with that for real? Is it too good for the letter 'U'? Is 40 just a snotty number that thinks its too good for me...and U?  I think kindergartens everywhere would thank me if we just add the frick'n extra letter in for consistency....and cut down the extra thought process in writing out checks.

Another word frustration I have is pronunciation.

Like 'Creek'.  Everyone is aware that you can say it cr'eeeek!'(there's a mouse) or cr'ick' (I am not eating that!).  I don't know how I say it.  Really, I don't.  When a discussion comes up  about it I get all confused. I am pretty sure I have said it both ways...then I don't know which sounds right. Then the people are arguing back and forth...and I don't know which side I'm on.  Is this what a fence sitter feels like in a political battle?

Apparently I also don't pronounce the word 'Corral' properly.  Growing up on a ranch, marrying a farmer and working in a number of them you would think I could say it without being mocked...you would be incorrect.  I have a habit of picking up on accents from people I am around and certain words stick....hence the elongated 'O's I throw around after living in South Dak'OH'ta for college. As I result I have boycotted the word 'corral' and you will NOT hear me say it, ever.

We won't go in to my former struggle with the letter 'R'.  Only that I came out victorious after speech therapy down in the grades and am still self-conscious about saying words like "rural".
Am I alone in this?  Do you have a pet peeve word to spell/say?

***Edited****
I just thought of another one! I was informed in college that people couldn't tell the difference between how I said "Mail" and "Mayo"...to solve this problem I just dropped using the word Mayo and now say mayonnaise or miracle whip. But honestly, they are totally different words and don't sound alike when I say them....I just struggle finding people to agree with that statement. Either that or my sister wasn't lying and I really was adopted...from somewhere in the deep south. I am beginning to think speech therapy taught me avoidance rather than overcoming obstacles in speech. I'm cool with that.

Things That Keep Me Up At Night...

Oh who am I kidding,  I have two small boys.  I take all the sleep I can get.  Still there are things that bug me:

Mrs. is pronounced Misses but is the abbreviation of Madame? Uhmm... so where does the 'R' come from?

Does the military hate children?  I remember struggling with spelling down in the grades...but who could blame me.  They drill "sound it out" to kids learning to read and spell...and then you have Colonel (again with the added 'R' for no apparent reason) and Sergeant (shortened as Sarge-which honestly is the only way it makes sense to me)

If the plural of Mouse is Mice, why isn't the plural of House Hice?

Why will children throw a temper tantrum at the prospect of a cup/sippy being filled with water to drink...then an hour later be splashing and trying to drink from the toilet?  Directly followed by trying to lap up soapy water from the bathtub?

(Please tell me my kids aren't the only ones to play in the toilet, I'm disturbed enough as it is.  For God's sake please let it be a common and normal stage...that they will out grow it soon and I won't have to remember it again....Amen)

Ever Wonder Why?

1) You all know the poem we were taught as children to remember how many days each month has?

30 days has September, April, June, and November all the rest have
31 (January, March, May, July, August, October, December)
save for February which has 28
and 29 on leap year.

Here is my beef.  Why the heck doesn't February borrow a day from two months that have 31? Then more months would have 30 days, and every 4 years February would have 31 days and we would be dealing with less variables.

Here is what I propose:

J 31
F 30 ( 31 during Leap Year)
M 30 (March is madness, it can spare a day)
~~~~~
A 30
M 31
J 30
~~~~
J 30 (take a day off...makes my birthday seem sooner!)
A 31
S 30
~~~~
O 31
N 30
D 31

*** Also notice how the number of days in each season are more uniform***

2)  What is up with the letter 'C'?  It brings nothing unique to the alphabet.  Seriously 'K' and 'S' have it covered.  And don't give me that, "combine 'C' + 'H' spiel, 'K' is totally up to taking on that duty. Afterall, 'S' does it just fine. Really it makes more sense for 'K' to do the same.

Here is what I propose, do away with 'C' altogether:


A B D E F / G H I J K / L M N O P / Q R S T U / V W X Y Z

25 letters of the alphabet, easily divided by 5, which I think splits things up quite nicely. Tidy and even for pre-school teachers to introduce the letters in groups.

In order for these changes to really have a shot though...we need a new 'Days of the Month Poem' and new "Alphabet Song Tune"

Like shouting out each group of 5 letters like a cheer!

A--B--D-E-F ! (double time on the last 3 in the group)
G--H--I-J-K !
L--M--N-O-P !
Q--R--S-T-U !
V--W--X-Y-Z !
And then ending the whole shebang with "GOOOO ALPHABET! YAAY!"

(I'll give you a minute to try it out yourself, I know you want to)

AND

Thirty Days Hath February, March, April, June, July, September, and November.  All the rest have Thirty-One; even February when its Leap Year. The End.

Catchy, No?

So remember how you vote in 2012, we can change the WORLD...mwahhahaha. Oh Yeah, and I hate Daylight Savings Time, so lets do away with that too.