Winter Whining - Erm Summary

Sinus Infection
Ear Infection
Influenza
Stomach Flu
Bronchitis
Strep Throat
Influenza (round 2)
Pneumonia
Hives
Tennis Elbow
Pink Eye

And that is my Winter 2017/2018 summary.  Throw in a bunch of dead calves from weather and bovine plague too.

This household has had a long winter. Supposedly Spring started last month, Mother Nature disagreed. Until there is 5 straight days above freezing and I spy green grass I consider it still winter.

Last Tuesday was in the 50s I opened all the windows in the house to air out residual plague and winter mucky blues, dug out the double stroller and took the kiddos for a walk.  I felt a little bit like the piped piper without a pipe, as I walked past houses I accumulated children.  By the time we were ready to cross the highway on the way to the park I had 9 children in procession.

Sunshine and being outdoors was worth it.  The next day was windy and rainy/haily/sleety, the following day heralded 4 inches of snow, the next day some more snow.  Still winter.

Montana Spring Traditions - blowing bubbles, catching snow flakes & building snowmen

Stealing and Trading Food.

We cancled Bear's birthday due to sickness, and finally were abel to celebrate on Easter.

On my mind, or out of it

Big D was puking last night, he only made it to the bathroom 2 out of 4 times. I am again firmly decided that we need to rip up our old carpet and refinish the hardwood floors. Or just rip up the carpet, the wood floors actually look pretty good.

This carpet has gone through 3 potty training children, horrific accidents and spills, grease, mud, and manure from the corral tracked over it. 6 1/2 years of stomach flu and exploding diapers. I am over the carpet shampoo-er and what to do with 5 kids and a damp carpet in winter.

In my mind, looking over our fence at the greener grass that is noncarpeted floors cleanup seems easier. What mom, strike that, person isn't 110% for easier cleanup?

At least one member of our household has been sick: either coughing, snifflely, achy, pukey, feverish, sneezing, Hershey squirts afflicted, plagued of some sort since the last week of January.

I blame the carpet. I can't sanitize the carpet. The carpet that our slobbery kissing germ sharing cuddly children crawl and roll across daily. Also the boys seem to have forgotten how hygeine works. The days of obsessive handwashing are over.

I am drinking coffee, hoping the kids will nap, and having hateful thoughts about carpet.

A Post I Really Wish I Didn't Need to Share

Well...there is always something happening in life isn't there?

Friday my Kindergartner came home with head lice.  I have never had lice, my Hubby has never had lice.  We have only heard about them and knew next to nothing about them.  Earlier his summer I knew they were going around and at Fair time.  So when school started I took away my kiddos ball cap and added a drop of tea tree oil in his shampoo.  Then I hadn't heard anything more and assumed the outbreak was over.  I wasn't even checking.  He has reached that age were he wants more privacy and doesn't want Mom to help with bathing.  So I set water temps, quiz him down through the door to make sure he scrubbed everywhere and that's about it.  If I feel I need to I occasionally make him let me shampoo his hair because its super thick and I don't think he always actually washes it.

Anyway, Friday I noticed him scratching his head and he said it was itchy.  I  put him through the shower and did a good scrub on his hair, thinking that was the issue.  Then I remembered I overheard other moms on the playground saying they couldn't wait for winter because it means no more lice.  So I checked my kiddos hair, asked my Hubby to and he said I was paranoid.

Saturday, kiddo still says his head is itchy.  I check again and thought maybe I saw a bug.  Not what I thought lice looked like,,,but I didn't really know what lice look like.  Called in the Hubby - he told me I was paranoid again and there was nothing there.

Sunday morning, my head is itchy and kiddo is still complaining about itchy head. I don't see anything in his hair...but caught site of a bug on his PJ shirt...and it was an adult louse. Yuck.  So I march kiddo to bathroom tub and shave all his hair off...and then I start seeing lots more evidence that he was indeed infested.  I check kid number two and decided, I couldn't see anything with kid number 1 and he definitely had them.   So I shaved his head too.  Then I demanded the Hubby check me. He called the principal at home and left a message to let the school know and requested them to bring in the County Health Nurse for head checks.

Hubby reported again I was paranoid and there was nothing in my hair.  So I called my sister and message an Aunt that I know had gone through this.  Then I made my Hubby talk to my sister to tell him what to look for and where to look.  I had nits in my hair.  She recommended because my long, super curly, super thick hair would be near impossible to comb through to have him cut it off at least shoulder length.  Then in a couple weeks if we are all clear I can go to a stylist.  I love my Hubby and am sure glad he is a better farmer than beautician.

So why I am sharing this cringe worthy story?  Because I believe we shouldn't be so ashamed we keep quiet.  Lice can spread, if we don't say anything how does anyone know to check?  If they don't check they keep spreading.  I honestly can't tell you how long we have had lice in the house.  My younger son did not have them, my Toddler did not have them.  We never found live bugs in my hair...but there are nits (eggs) so they had to have been there.  All full of admissions - I am a 31 year old woman who still fights cradle cap and dandruff.  The top of my head tends to get a little itchy.  My neck became incredibly itchy on Saturday. My son started itching and complaining about itching on Friday.  How long before you are itchy after getting lice?  No idea.

What I do know is that the itchy is an allergic reaction to the bites.  It is common but not everyone gets itchy. We have thick thick dark hair in this house and the nits can be the size of a grain of sand, the lice are brown.  I couldn't see them in our hair not knowing what to look for.  I would love to wrap up with "in short" but this post is anything but.  I wrote this because our school does NOT notify parents if there is a case of head lice.  If you request a head check they will check ONLY the one class.  How are we supposed to stop an outbreak if you don't know about it, or what to look for?

So I'm sharing our story.  Sunday I called all of our neighbors and parents of kids my children play with.  Then I messaged every parents of kids that school with my son that I know and asked them to pass on the word to the parents I don't know.  I shared a post on Facebook.  And I am going to the Community Health Nurse daily to be nit checked, along with my Toddler and Bald Son #2 who isn't in school.

Spread awareness people.  Share what to look for and where to go if you are unsure.  The sooner it is treated and resolved the faster the outbreak can be over.  As for me...I can't wait to get the all clear to go to the beauty shop and see what we can salvage of my hair.

PS - Please share hairstyles  ideas for Short Curly Hair and wish me luck.  The Hubby won't let me shave my head.  I even promised I could buy a wig for his brothers wedding next month and could wear a hat in public.

If You Can't Make Fun of Yourself...

I am a special kind of stupid. 

Bill Engval owes me a sign.

Stupid is as Stupid does...and I do Stupid well

I'm not even sure how I have made it this far in life...I'm shattering Darwin's theories daily.

A couple weeks ago I decided to start wearing my contacts again.  I had taken a break from them because my eyes felt really dry and the lenses weren't feeling/fitting comfortable.  I figured after one of the many allergy seasons I suffer from I would start again.  I dug through the drawer in the bathroom and put in a pair that had been marinating in solution for longer than necessary.  Popped them in and immediately my left eye was bugging me.  They were old so I tossed both contacts and opened up a new pair...new as in expired in December 2012, but previously unopened.

Expiration dates are just suggestions anyway right? Besides it was only January, I put them in and both eyes were watering, but I figured it had been a while since I wore contacts my eyes probably just had to get used to wearing them again.  I squirted some solution in each eye and was out the door for work.  By the time I got to work my eyes were stinging slightly and getting red.  Especially my right eye, I went home for lunch, took them out and scrubbed them and tried again.  Before my work day had ended I went into the bathroom and took both out and threw them away.  My eyes were stinging and kept watering.  When I got home my cheeks were red too. Were the solution had spilled over onto each cheek, it hurt to touch.  It felt kinda like a sunburn.  After 3 days the redness left, but I began to notice my right eye was having trouble focusing.  It felt like something was in my eye and my vision felt blurry.

Beginning of last week I decided to make an eye appointment.  I did some math and realized I hadn't had my vision checked since before I was married.  April will mark 4 years of matrimony...making it already 4 years since my last eye exam.  The Big D has broke both pairs of glasses, so I was feeling fortunate I legally don't need corrective lenses...but maybe I do.  It has been awhile.  I also decided since all eye related things I own were old that maybe the solution had evaporated and was more concentrated.  A glance over the ingredients contains boric acid.  Maybe that caused the stinging/burning?

So I described to the eye doctor who squeezed me in for a limited exam, that it felt like something was in my eye. Like there was a film over my vision on the right, how it had felt like a contact does when it slides off your eye and is stuck, and then how just before my appointment I had rubbed my eye and all the sudden my vision seemed to improve.  It still seemed a little blurry/filmy and my eye felt really dry.  All I could say is it felt like something was in there, but it didn't hurt.

Guess what?  There was something in there.....a contact.

Apparently it had been there a while.  It was not a good fit for my eye, it had tons of buildup on it and was misshapen. The buildup then got on my eye and made my eye and contact stick together.

How else can you describe it other than a special kind of stupid to forget a contact in your eye? To tell people for almost a week how it felt like a contact was in your eye....and not actually realize you had a contact in? I still am not sure how long it was in there.  A good chance it has been in since September.  Might have been the issue with putting a new pair in also. What with trying to double up in one eye.  Now I get to put drops in my eyes every couple hours for a week or two to clear all the gunk off my eye.

Hubby, are you sure it is a good call that I am the one at home raising our children?

I am of course deflecting blame and working on a plausible excuse.  So far my all I have for my story  is that I'm trying to function through insomnia, needy children, and attempting (apparently not well) to survive on a day to day basis.  Can we throw in a fake stroke too?

Writings on the Wall

"The hand writing on the wall" (or "the handwriting on the wall" or "the writing is on the wall" or "Mene Mene"), is an idiom for "imminent doom or misfortune" and for "the future is predetermined".

The expression originates from the book of Daniel Chapter 5 from the handwriting on the wall that was witnessed at a banquet hosted by king Belshazzar. As those at the feast profaned the sacred vessels pillaged from the Jerusalem Temple, a disembodied hand appeared and wrote on the palace wall the words, "Mene, Mene, Tekel, u-Pharsin." The prophet Daniel was summoned and interpreted this message as the imminent end for the Babylonian kingdom. That night, Belshazzar was killed and the Persians sacked the capital city.^[1]

source: wikipedia

How literal do I take this? The acceptable penalty for writing on the wall is death? Sounds somewhat reasonable to me...not so sure about the pillaging.

A couple nights ago two friends came over armed with two motorized snow shovels and cleared out my driveway and sidewalks.  I stepped out to thank them, the Toddler (sans pants) grabbed his snowboots and wanted to come too.  I said no, so he opened and closed the door over and over until he discovered for himself it really was too cold. I had made supper and it was on the table already.  The Big D was buckled in his high chair during all of this.  When I came back inside, the Toddler was sitting nicely and eating at the table as well.

Toddler: It reawy cold outside, so I stay inside and eat like a big boy

Me:  Goodjob honey, you are eating so nice.

Big D: Sippy? Drink! Drink!

Me: I'll go grab your sippy, is it in your room?

Big D: ya

Toddler: He said ya it is in his woom (room)

Me: &$*%#($&%^!(@#$*%^!@*#$%(!$@#&%^(@#$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: WHERE IS THE MARKER!

Toddler: Well, I put it away

Me:  Where did you put it?

Toddler: Well, I just put it away.

Me: Where did you put the marker?

Toddler: (pointing somewhere) I put there

Me: Where did you put it?

Toddler: (pointing somewhere) there 

Me: I don't see it 

Toddler: Well, I guess its just lost then.

Big D: All done! Down! Down!

At this point I am already fuming, but I unbuckle the baby, clean him up, and let him loose.  Did a quick search through the bathroom cupboard and came up short in my search for rubbing alcohol (I have heard multiple times that gets marker off).  Skunked, couldn't find any and I was out of magic eraser,  my go-to-magical-cleaning-tool.

When I walk back into the kitchen the Big D is armed with the sharpie and has drawn on the refrigerator and our Daddy's Deployment Wall, including a good chunk of effort of the map I bought.

Why can a 19 month old find a marker and I cant? How the heck did they get the marker in the first place? Didn't I put it away in the wall mail sorter? Why have I not figured out how to childproof my own home yet? Mysteries of the world caliber questions.

More screaming and yelling, more NOOOOOO!  The Big D startles, drops the cap of the marker and giggles. Then proceeds to turn around and try to scribble on me.  I disarmed my attacker and did some more yelling. Mothering 101: when I doubt - yell!

I went back to the boys room and noticed the wooden toy bench also bore graffiti.  Then I wrote a quick blip on Facebook for advice on cleaning marker off various surfaces...walking by the purple crayon on the hallway that has been there for about a week.  Before all the advice came pouring in I was scouring the house for cleaners and found a bottle of rubbing alcohol.  Good news, it took the marker completely off the vinyl dry erase map and off the kitchen wall and fridge.  Easy Peasy.

I have no logical reason why crayon bothers me less than marker.

The Bad News: the boys' room was a different story.  Some came of the wooden bench, but most parts were extremely resistant and faded was the best I could do.  As I scrubbed on the wall paint was coming off along with the marker, revealing the color underneath.  I have a mural in the room, and it was taking off the layers.  I gave up at the point that looking from the door the marks are faded enough not to be too horribly noticeable.  Up close the marks are obvious.  I will be repainting/touching up.

Nosferatu or Something Slightly Less Sinister

You remember from the last week's Photo Bomb that the Toddler took a liking to his batman mask?  The thing might have bat calling powers...for real.  Either that or it was a curse bestowed upon me because we were talking about bats at work last week.  Bats are pretty much flying mice with wings as far as I'm concerned, and you all know how I feel about mice.

While staying at my parents house, my guest bed is the living room couch.  You know, out in the open without protection from house intruders, spies, villains, mayhem, bats...


I come out of the bathroom and walked into the kitchen just in time to see a bat flying around!  With pure malicious intent and I could tell it was honing in on my hair, cuz' that's what bats do right?  But, because I am brave and heroic and have always been one to step up with courage when the actual moment calls for it, I let out a scream and ran back into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.  Then I thought I'd better suck it up and make sure it really was a bat, so I opened up the door and crept back towards the kitchen. There I saw my nemesis once more flying around.  So I did the only logical thing one could do,  let out another scream and hit the light switch on my way running back to the bathroom!

In case you aren't familiar with the layout of my parents house, that particular light switch is for the bathroom andnot the kitchen. That still doesn't explain why I also seemed to have forgotten than bats like the dark not the light! I panicked alright?

 I have included a visual to help you follow along, kinda like drawing it out with a crayon.

So there I am, hiding in the pitch black bathroom wondering how to tell if the bat is in there with me.  I hear my parents door open and my Mom lovingly say "What is your problem?"

Because they are understanding like that...by the way and am I the only one who noticed it took TWO screams to rouse their interest?  Really where is the love? Your curiosity isn't roused after one blood curdling scream?  They also didn't seem to initially buy my story of a bat either. We looked around and couldn't find it and they were content to just head back to bed.  I was not content with that plan at all.  I wasn't ready to stay out in the open unprotected from a flying rat.  I pulled my hoodie on my head and helped in the search, and spotted the vermin on the floor by the bathroom. (It was following me! Again the turning OFF the light was not my most brilliant plan)  Then scurried to the couch and huddled down while Dad picked it up with a napkin and reintroduced him to the wild out the back door.  Just thinking about the sound it made still gives me goosebumps.

Bats aren't exactly a rare thing, its just the cats used to catch them.  Or you would see them outdoors, where I can tolerate them much better.  Trapped in the same room together...different story.

Some Days are Harder than Others

The past few weeks have been hard.

The feeling of being alone while around other people.

The even bigger feeling of being alone when no one is around.

It is knowing that no one around you can understand.

It is the sympathy from people who don't really get it, but genuinely seem to want to. The pity that makes it worse.

It is living so far away from the people that do get it and are going through the same thing.

It is wanting to get out of the house and do something fun, but feeling guilty for it.

It is the people you want to be there for you that aren't. Those you thought you could rely on that you can't.

It is staying up late because you are in the habit of going to bed at the same time as your husband...but he isn't there.

It is falling asleep holding the phone night after night and never having it ring.

It is trying not to cry when your child talks about his Daddy being gone and what they will do when he comes home.

It is trying to explain to two children under 3 that everything is going to be okay, and telling them what you need to hear.

It is the struggle with the changes you see in yourself.  The hardest adjustments to marriage for me:  accepting help, considering other opinions, compromising and deciding courses of action together.  Now I struggle with feeling helpless because I allowed myself to become dependent, to let him make choices and decisions, letting go and trusting him...and now being alone. Now I am supposed to make all the calls, and its hard.  It was hard to give up having the final say, but it has been even harder taking it back.

It is moving farther away from the family you have known all of your life to establish your own family...and then feeling abandoned.

It is feeling like your support system has been stolen from you.

It is feeling guilty for taking some much time from the people that you can rely on and count on.

That the person who means the most in the world is so far away and unreachable and you realize you really are on your own.

It is putting on a smile when you feel like crying.

It is taking a deep breath when you feel like screaming.

It is missing the one person that always made everything better and put things in perspective.

It is feeling like a ship in the ocean with no anchor.  Just drifting with no feeling of home.

It is battling depression and anxiety, while the side effects of the medication are the same as the symptoms.

It is not wanting to ask for help, but knowing you need it.

It is trying to become numb and trying to stay the same person.

It is hard and it hurts. But I am not the only one to go through this.  I will not be the last to go through this.  I will get through this.  I am stronger than this. All I need to do is remember to pray, gather strength from God and cross out another day on the calendar.

Yep, I'm Whiny

Imagine being without internet.

How would it affect you?

How long could you go without it?

I used to think I couldn't go without it. 

Then learned I didn't miss it all that much. (2 year stint without in my old apartment...pre-hubby)

Then life changed my perspective again.

Try going through a deployment without internet/wi-fi.  In this day and age, internet holds so much more meaning than wasting time.  It makes it possible to connect with someone from a billion-gazillion miles away.

Expect when it fails.

My modem bit the dust.

No internet now primarily means no: Skype or FaceTime, no emails, nada updates...cut off. No ability to post updated pictures of the lawn or children.  No updating the blog - which means no updates for my Hubby.

With an impressive time difference and me working full-time, our chances for contact are already slim.  The blog allows me to share with him, on his time.

Until the issue is resolved our chances for contact are zilch...unless he gets to the USO and calls me....which he won't.

I made him promise that if does get the chance to make a phone call that I want him to call his parents, or his siblings.  That with FaceTime the boys and I will be fine and have more chances to talk with him than they will. That I will keep the IPad handy and try to arrange my day to be available during those times I am most likely to get a chance to talk to him.  That if he has questions about what he is missing (aka - the farm) he can get it first hand instead of the 3rd-person-farming-for-dummies version.

Now I am thinking...why the hell did I do that? I obviously didn't think about the whole lack of wi-fi if my internet was down.

Covertly posting whining from work.

Hoping the repair guy comes and fixes and/or replaces the modem by the time I get home tonight....hopefully before the Hubby has another mission....or I hear he called somebody other than me.

Headaches Don't Always Hurt

What a flurry the last few days have been.  I went in to the Big City for an appointment and shopping on Wednesday and had a bit of a medical scare.  I got dizzy, disorientated, lost partial vision in my right eye, couldn't read (I was associating different meanings with the words so I couldn't get a single sentence to make  sense), and was having trouble talking. I knew what I wanted to say but couldn't get it out.  It was like I forgot how to talk, I flat could not think how to say the gift recipient's name. I kept my eyes closed because my vision felt like it had blind spots and it was bugging me.  This all happened and passed within a 30-35 minute period.  I stopped by my sisters work to drop some things off and she told me it sounded like a mini stroke which apparently runs in our family.  I should have went in to the doctor then, but at the time all I could think about was getting back to my boys.  At this point I felt fine.  My future Sister-in-Law (SIL) was watching the little guys and I stayed and visited for an hour or so and was still feeling fine so I loaded up the boys and went home.  It was almost bedtime when we made it home so I made a quick supper,  fed the monsters washed them up quick and put them down for bed.

During a FaceTime date with the Hubby shortly after I told him what happened and he made me promise to go to the ER and get checked out.  My plan was to make an appointment the next day.  He was having none of it so I ended up having his Aunt and Cousin come over.  Someone could be at the house with the boys and someone could drive me (though I reiterate I felt perfectly fine at this point and after driving 80+ miles I though I could handle a couple blocks).  My vitals were good, blood pressure, blood sugar, electrolytes, kidneys  cholesterol, temperature, and whatever else they checked for: all well in the normal range.  I also had a CT/CAT Scan didn't which didn't seem to show any signs of a TIA (Mini Stroke) to the Doctor on call, but I was sent home and told I would get the official results in the next day or so.

Because of some other symptoms I have been having and brought up at the appointment (all starting around the time the Hubby deployed and intensifying with our daycare drama in July-early August), trouble sleeping, nausea, throwing up most everyday sometimes several times a day, trouble concentrating,  combined with my history of depression lead to another possibility for the episode: Anxiety.  They sent me home with some literature about panic attacks as well.  Flipping through nothing stuck out though, nothing fit or made sense.  Nausea was the only symptom.  The Hubby wanted me to get a second opinion, command pulled him off mission so he would be on base and easier to get a hold of. Neither of us slept well that night.

I called and made another appointment with my regular care providers the next day after I didn't hear back with any results as promised.  They got me in for a morning appointment on Friday (after my dentist appointment...I didn't want to reschedule, it takes months to get in!) My Mom came up and rode with me.  They did a few more blood tests and had my ER test forwarded and had two main theories.  TIA or A-Typical Migraine.  Apparently the way I described my partial vision loss is how someone describes something affecting both eyes not one.  At that point the plan was to schedule a MRI/MRA and followup with a neurologist, but first he wanted me to see an eye doctor that day.  I got in afternoon and had my eyes tested and a field vision test and more detailed questions regarding the vision thing. That seemed to rule out TIA which would strictly be one side. My eyes were fine and they felt whatever happened affected both eyes but I picked up on it more on the right side.  Given my age and having no other real risk factors they felt a TIA (especially if it only lasted 30 minutes) was unlikely.

Two Eye Doctors, my doctor, and a neurologist all decided with 99.9% certainty that I had a migraine, given my past history of migraines that sealed the deal for them.  As long as I don't have any more weird symptoms I am cleared, no MRI/MRA, no neurologist appointment, just an aspirin a day.  {Huge sigh of relief}

I learned that there are two sides of a migraine.  The terrible pain, seeing spots, color perception changing, unable to move sensitivity to light side.  And the side that causes neurological effects with too many symptoms to list, but can mimic a stroke.  The dizziness, confusion, inability to read and associate words, and not being able to talk all explained. What most people think of as a migraine includes characteristics of both sides.  Those are the ones I used to have.  But, people can have migraines with only the pain....and apparently they can have all the freaky affects without any pain.

Ophthalmic Migraine.  My little family got worked up over a headache.  In the end though everyone is happy.  Much less scary than a stroke, feeling better with a clear answer that makes sense and seems to fit, and initial ER visit concerned with stress can kinda be right too I guess.

The Year of the Rash

Why let the Big D have all the attention on the rash front? That is apparently what the Toddler was thinking, as Saturday evening he developed one of his very own....of course also feeling the need to one up little brother.

I noticed he had been itching the back of his neck, so I went to check for an errant tag.  Instead I discovered some red nastiness going on.  On further inspection he had a rash covering his upper back and chest, it was slightly raised.  I recently had pinned 7 Rashes in Children  from pinterest and thought I would give it a once over.

The rash didn't really fit, but the advice was to look to the child.  If he is acting sick take him in, if he isn't acting sick wait it out.  Other than catching him scratch, he seemed fine.  So I decided to try out the wait it out route.  I had some Aveeno Eczema/Anti Itching cream and put some on.  Instantly he felt better.

That night the little stinker grabbed my hand (at about 8:15) and said lets go to sleep mommy. Intrigued by him wanting to put himself to bed I was all for it.  He led me into my room and crawled up on my bed "Sleep wiff me mommy?"  I had figured he would fall asleep and I would sneak back out and finish up some projects...but by the time Mr. Chatty wound down I think I had fallen asleep first.  Unfortunately not a lot of sleep was to be had.

Sleep Problem #1He sleeps like I do, he crowds his partner and pushes them to the edge.  With the tri-fecta attack of cuddles, kicking, and pillow pushing.  I ended up being afraid one more kick would send me over the edge of the bed. 

Sleep Problem #2The itching got worse.  He would wake up crying.  I would have him snuggle in and gently rub all over his back, giving some relief to the itching and trying not to aggravate the rash. He would fall asleep and the cycle would continue. I rubbed some more cream on it and finally gave up on sleep at 4:30am.  I moved to the couch and until I heard the Big D up for the day.

I felt like I was scrambling, but apparently was moving at a snails pace getting the boys corralled and ready for church.  Definition of embarrassment: Living directly across the street from the church and still walking in late for mass.  I made breakfast for the boys and debated putting them down for naps immediately after church...and thought to myself its a shame starting to drink at 9am is frowned upon. By the time I shoveled some lunch down in the afternoon I began to discover that my anti-itch cream was no longer providing the Toddler any relief.

He requested a shower and I obliged. I do know that after a warm shower most rashes will look worse, due to the warm water making the blood flow more...so I tried to keep it on the cool side.  Even so, after the shower it was evident the rash was spreading.  When drying him off I thought it looked like the bumps were turning into blisters.  So I called my MIL to watch the Big D and took off for Urgent Care/ER in the big city (why must the boys always have issues on weekends?) I was a little too zealous to get him in to be seen, at this point I was thinking maybe it was Chicken Pox, and I got pulled over for doing 81 in a 70.  The HP was painfully thorough.

HP:Your license says you were corrective lenses, are you wearing contacts? {removing his sunglasses}

Me: Yes sir (as he stares me down, I was about ready to pop one out to prove it if it made him feel better) 

HP: I can't even tell anymore 

HP: Your registration is current, but you haven't put your sticker on your plate.  The sticker on the plate says March 2012, but your registration is through March 2013.  I'm giving you a warning on that, because you don't have the sticker on your plate.....but your registration is current.

Me: Yes sir (I stuck with that because anything would come out snotty. I could also see I hadn't put my sticker on, it was still on the registration he was handing back to me) 

HP: Nice hat young man 

Toddler: Yeah, it my Daddy hat 

Me: His dad got it for him after he deployed, he is a bit obsessed with it.

HP: {awkward silence...crickets chirping}

Me: I am taking him in because he has a rash that started spreading really fast, and I thought it might be chicken pox. 

HP: I'm safe, I've had chicken pox before

Me:  {alrighty then...more awkward silence...me wondering if I can go now}

Apparently I am not cute enough nor smooth enough to talk my way out of a ticket.  I just can't bring myself to do the crying thing, and this was the first time I even thought about trying to get out of a ticket...not so much because of getting a ticket...but because I wanted to get to the hospital and get some relief for my little guy.

He did ticket me at 80 instead of 81, which he explained meant a $20 ticket instead of $40 and no points against me.  So I thanked him and heeded his "watch your speed" parting words of wisdom. I have never been so happy to get back on the road.

During  this whole deal is when the Toddler starts moaning, saying Owie mommy I hurt, and I need to go to doctor....whenever the cop went back to his car.  You already have my sympathy kid...if you could have shared your concerns with the officer the stop might not have taken as long.

Finally at the hospital we get checked in and are diagnosed with....a Rash.

Really she wasn't sure what it was, looked like a few things but the entirety of the rash wasn't consistent with anything, and wasn't normal for the symptoms.  What I thought were blisters she said were pustules. She said strep throat can cause something similar but he doesn't have strep, so she decided on calling it a staph infection of the skin and he will be on antibiotics three times a day for a week.  So any number of things could have caused the rash, including allergies, but whatever did cause it...this kind of rash is not a typical reaction. Supper.

The drugs seem to be working though and today the Mystery Rash is much better.  That is definitively worth it.

 So so much better!

Ups and Downs

Embarrassing confession...I stepped on a scale and currently weigh 65 pounds more than when the Hubby and I started dating!  Definite goal for this deployment is to get my pre-baby body back. I want to look better for myself and my husband. I want to be a healthy role model for my children, and have the energy to keep up with them...but I am struggling with adding more activity and healthier eating.

• I have upped my water intake, cut back on other drinks expect my Lo-carb Monster energy drink and coffee.  I guess that is the next step...goodbye caffeine, or at least no more than one cup a day! (Sorry co-workers, I might be crabby going through the withdrawal)

• I have been trying to play with the kids more in the backyard and seems like only talking about taking walks.  Time to get serious and actually take walks after work and dust off my Pilate's DVDs.  Once I finish cleaning out the garage I will also have the elliptical available.  What is a reasonable starting goal - 20 to 30 minutes a exercise/activity a night?

• Bountiful Baskets have added to the fruits and veggies available in the house, but I tend to mainly feed that to the boys.  I know the kids are eating healthier than me...I guess portion control and bad choices when eating out are getting me.  I need to get back to lo-carb eating like I did while pregnant with the Big D and controlling gestational diabetes...which means eating breakfast and  5-6 mini meals rather than snacking for lunch and a supper.

• My motivators, I would like to run a 5K when the Hubby gets home, to do something for myself all for myself, and  proving I can do it.  Also one of my best friends from High School is getting married and having a destination wedding in St. Lucia next fall...I want to wear a bikini on the beach without feeling self-conscious...okay, I am more comfortable being modest, so I probably won't, but I want to have the option.

I am full of excuses, after work I am exhausted, in the morning I am exhausted and getting the kids ready for daycare and myself presentable for work seems like more than I can manage some days.  Lately it feels like there isn't anything that I can manage.  Getting healthy gets pushed to the back burner and I have a feeling that is what contributes to a cycle of blah and wishful thinking without action.

I can clearly see my mood reflected in my housekeeping. 

When I am feeling good: everything is neat, tidy, airy and happy feeling. Toys and books are put away before bed time. Dishes are done as soon as the table is cleared.  The kids and I cuddle and read books before bed, we stretch out on the floor and have tickle wars.  When I feel good I make time for playing outside in the backyard, being mentally present for one-on-one time with each of the kids.  Conversations with the Toddler, and being lead on an adventure guided by only his imagination.  Cuddling with the Big D and pointing out each other's noses, and practicing new words. Clearing off the table and getting out the finger paint or crayons...making sure no one eats the art supplies.  I let the boys 'help' unload the dishwasher, we make homemade 'ice cream' in the food processor using frozen bananas and peanut butter.  We vacuum every evening after supper and make sure to brush teeth before heading off to bed. I have a schedule and adhere to it, when my head hits the pillow it feels like an accomplished day that I wish my husband was home to enjoy.  I say a quick prayer that he is well and make a mental note for another care package idea. I smile and laugh freely and have a positive spin on everything. We are managing.

When I get down: the dishwasher is full dishes waiting to be put away, the table and highchair need wiped down, laundry is piling in the utility room & bedrooms, and neglected baskets of folded clothes are laying around for weeks asking to get put away instead of rummaged through.  The mirror in the bathroom has smudge marks and hand prints...so do all of the windows.  Clutter is taking over the counter tops, and dust is finding a home in all the nooks and crannies.  The biggest housekeeping achievement I can find is that the garbage is taken out on a regular basis.  Projects and cleaning are started, but the putting things away follow through is missing. Toys litter the entire house, books are strewn throughout, and mushed cheerios are left under the highchair. I find a sippy cup that has long been rolled under the couch and brace myself as I open it to find out if it is full of soured milk or stale water.  I pop in a movie or let the boys watch a few episodes of Super Why on Netflix. I feel too exhausted for anything else.  They will have to be content with fresh diapers, food in their tummies, and a mother than is only physically present. I am only going through the motions. I can feel depression trying to creep in, but hasn't quite caught a foothold. I feel embarrassed if anyone were to stop by and see the state of my house, enough that I wish I could pretend we weren't even home when someone does stop by.  Why don't visitors ever come after I have tidied up?

I feel overwhelmed,  and I feel stressed.  I make plans to go somewhere on the weekend because the walls of my house begin to close in and feel like a prison.  This only makes the housekeeping fall behind more. I don't want to cook, I don't want to pickup messes all day...all I can do is count down the minutes until I can send the boys to bed and think of when I can crawl in bed and dream of somewhere happier...yet nighttime comes and I can't sleep.  I miss my husband and stare at a computer screen until the wee hours hoping for an email, or his name to pop up on Skype...anything.  I mindlessly look for something to snack on...I take a shower and pour Irish Spring gel under the water so its smells like he is home, I finally give up and cry myself to sleep and hate the lonely. I drag myself out of bed and survive until lunch time on caffeine and energy drinks.  I begin to feel shaky and remember I haven't eaten and my blood sugar is dropping=bad nutrition choices. I just have to eat something at this point and always overdo it. I feel guilty for not keeping up on anything, can I get out of this rut? I fake a smile and hope that is enough to turn everything around again. In my mind I tell myself everything will be better when he comes home from the deployment...but in my heart I know I have to make the changes now, especially if I am going to meet my goals.

Things That Keep Me Up At Night...

Oh who am I kidding,  I have two small boys.  I take all the sleep I can get.  Still there are things that bug me:

Mrs. is pronounced Misses but is the abbreviation of Madame? Uhmm... so where does the 'R' come from?

Does the military hate children?  I remember struggling with spelling down in the grades...but who could blame me.  They drill "sound it out" to kids learning to read and spell...and then you have Colonel (again with the added 'R' for no apparent reason) and Sergeant (shortened as Sarge-which honestly is the only way it makes sense to me)

If the plural of Mouse is Mice, why isn't the plural of House Hice?

Why will children throw a temper tantrum at the prospect of a cup/sippy being filled with water to drink...then an hour later be splashing and trying to drink from the toilet?  Directly followed by trying to lap up soapy water from the bathtub?

(Please tell me my kids aren't the only ones to play in the toilet, I'm disturbed enough as it is.  For God's sake please let it be a common and normal stage...that they will out grow it soon and I won't have to remember it again....Amen)

Hi my name is Worry

Something has been eating away at me.  One of the remarks made repeatedly by the keynote speaker at the yellow ribbon ceremony is that after the deployment don't be surprised if you outgrow some of your friends, because they may simply no longer be able to relate to you. They can't understand what you have been through. I am not oblivious to the increased rate of divorce after deployment, and its bugging me because...I hope our relationship can't be outgrown.

I am a worrier by nature, anyone that knows me can tell you that.  But I already had been worrying about if the man I am about "stand beside" for a year without seeing him, will be the same man that comes home.  I have seen first hand some pretty impressive changes in personalities, and its hard because its something I can't prepare for. It is also something I don't know what the end result will be.  I know that I love my husband and that when we said our "I Do's", we meant forever. What if he comes home and I can't be there for him the way he wants/needs me to be?  I won't be able to understand or relate to what he has been through...I have no idea what he is in store for.  What if he "outgrows" me? All I have is a plan to send a care package every week he is gone from home...which seems weak at the moment.

Okay, I got that off my chest...from here on out positive thinking and happy countdowns until we are reunited. (Reunited...he isn't even gone yet...yeesh)

For the boys and some care package plans, I am going to order a Flat Daddy (like a fat head, but of the Hubby).  For holidays, birthdays, and other celebrations "the Hubby" can be in the pictures.  Also as it sounds like Skype will be limited, it will help the boys see daddy everyday.  We are also going to record him reading favorite books and stories, and do a few recordable books and a recordable photo album (which I am most excited about)  Daddy's voice will tell them about each picture

So far I am thinking of including:

Mommy & Daddy's wedding day
First time Daddy holding the Toddler
First time Daddy holding the Big D
5 Generation Pictures
Driving tractor with Daddy
Hanging out with Grandpa
Any of the Hubby's favorite pictures/memories he wants to share with the boys

Anywho - that's the plan to keep daddy's image and voice in their everyday lives while he is gone.

Children in Church Suck the Jesus out of Me

1) My son's behavior, especially during church, brings out some pretty unChristian feelings.  Yes it is my responsibility as a parent to model behavior and use discipline when necessary to mold him into something other than a hellacious brat.  And I'll be honest, I suck at it.  Hubby is much better at it than I am.  I am a cuddler, I can kiss the owies away, I can show the mushy gushy love...but really I am probably the enabler.  I want my boys to enjoy being children, to have positive memories associated with places (like church) so that they won't fight going later on.

Unrealistic?  People around/under 3 feet holding still-ish and quiet-ish for an hour. 
When I take the boys by myself...I have arguments with the toddler that Jesus on the crucifix up above the altar is in fact not a dragon.  Or the joys of hearing - at the top of his lungs, the Toddler repeatedly telling the Big D (aka Baby Brodder) "BE QUIET BABY!" because he coo'd. "SHHHH NO TALKING, QUIET BABY!"...long after brother stopped making a peep.

If Toddler goes alone with Hubby I hear he was an angel. Maybe there is something to the Hubby's theory of "They won't ever behave any better than you expect them to".

Do you ever find yourself wishing it was socially acceptable and a proven method of great parenting to duct tape toddlers' mouths shut?  Yeah....me either.

2) My other son's behavior.  At 10 months he really is too little to know better.  But its a constant battle to keep his little paws from tapping and tugging on the people who sit in front of us...and keeping those same precious little fingers from latching a death like grip onto to some poor woman's unsuspecting pony tail.  Or trying to eat the missalette.  Is it my imagination or is my pew getting a larger berth of vacant space around it?

3) I honestly can barely remember anything said in mass and seldom ever even hear the sermon...but I keep telling myself this is important.  I am setting an example.  The boys are learning. I have to be getting something at least from osmosis...right? Can it at least count as penance?

***In the end though I know some things are sinking in.  The Toddler is starting to recite the Our Father with me, he is avid on saying grace (or at least Father, Son, Holy Spirit) before eating, and during a little road trip I heard him say "Thank you Father for blessing me"***

Hack, Hack, Hacking on Heaven's Door

Okay, I may be prone to exaggeration. (Though not about the hacking, there is plenty of that going on) Our whole house is sick and crabby.  The Toddler has a double ear infection and they gave him a Z-Pack and Cough Syrup with Codeine in it!  Really Codeine for a two year old?  My Doctor did tell me that we parents should feel free to take a teaspoon of it also if our coughs get worse.

In other news, the toddler went to bed early and so far is sleeping quite well.

The Big D was deemed healthy, apparently his reason for crabbiness is getting 6 teeth this week.  Which I kinda figured, but she wasn't worried about his cough and just thought there was a lot of pressure from the new toof-ers.  He is in the 75% for noggin size and height, and 30% for weight.  He is 20 pounds of chunky monkey and 29 inches tall.  He just went through a growth spurt so his weight will likely catch up soon, although I would have  never known it would need to catch up.  Seriously the little fella has more rolls than I can count.


My dear sweet sister let me drop the kids off at her office while I went to my chiropractor appointment.  Which went very well, likely because I didn't have 2 crying babies along.  Then we went home, got the prescriptions filled and drugged up.


Hubby stayed at the farm for calving, and I didn't have the patience to wait in the waiting room with two crying kids long enough for an opening in the walk-in-clinic for myself, so I am hoping over the counter meds can cure whats ailing me.   (I did try out the recommended adult dose of the Rx Strength Cough Syrup...and now I also feel like sleeping.)



Top 10 Things that Suck about being sick
1) You have no energy and don't feel like doing anything = You don't do anything and the house falls to shambles.

2) You can only imagine what menopause will be like, You can't decide if you are freezing or cooking.  The family doesn't seem impressed when you touch the thermostat.

3) Hubby doesn't take the Toddler with him to do chores = less rest and more sick crabby people.  It's really quite amazing the Hubby comes home at night.

4) You have a glorious excuse to pull the sympathy card to get whatever you want....but you can't enjoy any of the fruits of aforementioned card because you are miserable sick.

5) If you do think you may enjoy the results of the sympathy card, your kidlets are much better at it than you so you will defer to fulfilling their whims...and somehow  they do manage to enjoy it.

6) Who really wants to use a sick day off work, by suffering and actually being sick?

7) Being sick throws off your entire schedule, so the effects last longer than the disease.

8) Nothing ruins the fun game of kissy face with the kidlets more than everyone having runny & snotty noses.  You suddenly regret teaching them any game that requires your being in close proximity.

9) If you do get a chance to nap, there is a greater than 79% chance the phone will ring...and 100% chance said phone ringing will wake up any napping kidlets in the vicinity. (Even though typically they could sleep through a hail storm on a tin roof)

10) You start putting your symptoms in WebMD and discover you only have days, possibly hours to live. (It's been nice knowing you.  In Lieu of flowers please send wine...if I do kick the bucket I have always been fascinated with the idea of wakes and would like you all to throw me one)

Seriously I can't get over the fact my 2 year old is on codeine!

10 Things I Love About You

I have been down in the dumps and spewing a lot of negativity lately.  So I'm going to share an exercise I use to help me get over it.  I make a list of 10 things I love and am grateful for.

I love my husband with all my heart, he is my rock, the ying to my yang, my other half, and unfortunately the person I tend to get upset at when my life goes into turmoil.

So babe, here is to overlooking tripping over your boots in the middle of the floor, to my purse and coat being thrown on the floor when you want to use the coat rack, to revving up the kids right before bedtime, not letting me get away with hogging all the blankets, turning the volume on the TV too loud, leaving refrigerated items on the counter instead of putting them away, leaving a trail of clothes throughout the house and ignoring the hamper, emptying the garbage without putting in a new sack, leaving whiskers in the sink, and not rinsing out the tub after washing an air filter.

10) You always notice and thank me for anything I do around the house. Thank you for appreciating me.

9) You always tell me I am beautiful and perfect for you when I most need it....like every time I look in a mirror.

8) You start my car in the morning so its warm and I don't have to scrape ice off the windows.

7) You indulge my obsession with cuddling, there is nothing like being held in your arms.

6) You mow the lawn and shovel the driveway and sidewalk with no complaints...ever!

5) You are amazing with our boys, and I hope they grow up to be just like you.

4) You introduce me to new books, and one of my favorite things about you is our shared love of reading.

3) You are hard working, down to earth, and honest. A man's man who provides for his family and takes them to church with him every Sunday.

2) You may not like to admit it, but you have such a huge heart.  I love how much you care...even when you act like you don't.

1) Have you seen you in a uniform? 'Nuff said ;)

I love you dear husband, though I am neurotic and a nagger, whiny and needy, I fly off the handle, am thin skinned with a big mouth, I battle depression, talk through movies, and can be sharp tongued .  You have made me happier than I have ever been in my life and inspire me to be a better person.


I am so proud of you, and grateful for giving me our perfect little loving family.




***Pictures by Leslie Bohle. Check out more of her work at BohleImages.com***

Baby Withdrawals *the long & rambling edition*

I am in midst of a major, massive, stressful daycare crisis.  Since the end of December and all of January I have had 5 different people watching my kiddos.  My wonderful temporary daycare lady  who was 8 months pregnant decided she wasn't crazy enough to watch 4 kidlets 2 & under including a newborn; my MIL watched them for a week; I held my mom hostage at my house for 3 days after coming back from a funeral in Wyoming;  one of the truck driver's wives came to my house for a week, my future SIL came over for a couple days; and then finally the most heartbreaking decision...I sent both kids to my Mom & Dads for a week (3 hours away).

This face is kinda how I have felt lately

I cried most the trip up and back, put on a happy face and gave the boys hugs, kisses, and told them of the fun they would have. I can't describe how empty I felt without them. Hubby had been gone 2 1/2 weeks to Arkansas and I  thought I wanted a break, but it didn't seem right to send them away after only 1 day as a whole family.  I was lonely and I'm sure if you asked the poor sweet gals at work that had to listen to me...whiny.

How could you not miss this face?

I vacuumed, I rearranged how the toys were in the toy boxes, I lined up toy tractors and trucks by size, I scrubbed counters, cabinets, and cupboard doors. I switched things up and folded our towels in a different way and order. I looked at the empty swing, frowned at the clean booster chair with no sticky, crumby mess on the table in front of it.

Or this cute face?

I put makeup on every morning, flat ironed my hair, made breakfast, brushed & flossed my teeth, while taking my time....and then called my mom so I could talk to the boys and wish them a good morning...and then called them on my lunch break...and then called to tell them goodnight.  And asked the hubby every night, "Can we go get our babies?" (For those who don't know me...I pretty much stopped wearing makeup after the 2nd trimester of my first pregnancy, my hairdo has been a ponytail for the vast majority of my 20+ years, and I haven't eaten breakfast regularly since elementary school.

My husband thought I may have went off the deep end.  I started by going through the boys closet and hanging everything in order - Jackets, PJs, Sweaters, long-sleeve tees, tees, and fancier onesies, then overalls.  That wasn't enough so I went through again and grouped them by colors and when applicable designs (stripes go together, then plaid, etc.)  Then I folded clothes in the cubbys, long-sleeve plain onesies (by color) on top, short sleeve onesies(by color), each drawer of socks (which may or may not have been organized by type of sock...you can't have plain white, next to white with gray toe), Folded jeans in the next cubby, folded sweatpants below...also separated by color.

***My husband may have a point...I'm not sure prior to the boys being gone/or since they have been back I have even folded any socks...or clothes***

Blissfully Messy & Noisy

We made it until Wednesday night and decided that he would meet mom & dad halfway after the cows were feed at both places Thursday.  He brought them to work so I could cuddle and hug them, and it was wonderful to come home to a house about to become messy and blissfully noisy. Then Friday morning we woke up and said...what are we going to do with them today? We still don't have daycare??? The toddler had a Daddy Day at the Farm, and Baby Boy met daycare provider #6.

I am still stressed about daycare, we have someone in place temporarily and are on a waiting list for an opening at a daycare just a few blocks away from our house.  Hopefully we will have a spot in February. The boys have been doing so great though, although potty training is taking a back seat until we have a more stable routine.





I should mention though, that the alone time with Hubby was nice.  We had a few lunch dates, and had How I Met Your Mother marathons via Netflix every night, got to cuddle and use the bathroom without interruption!  I both missed and loved not having the little pitter patter of feet come into our room at 5:30am to stare me in the face with a loud "Good Morning Mommy!  I Hungee!"

 But Such is the Life as a Wife

PS - Did you know it now costs TWICE as much to LOSE at Powerball?  If that isn't a sign of hard times I don't know what is.  My biannual $1 ticket purchase now seems frivolous and wasteful at $2 a pop.

It's so good to have them home :)