Get a Life

The Big D gets his mords wixed up sometimes.

Currently a favorite song in the house is The Farmer in the Dell

So all day long I hear:

The Farmer takes a Life!

The Farmer takes a Life!

Hi Ho the Dairy-O,

The Farmer takes a Life!

Me: Thats Wuh-Wuh-Wuh - Wife, Bud.

Not Luh-Luh-Luh-Life

Big D: Okay Mom

The Famer take a Wife

The Farmer takes a Life...

Big D: When I'm a grown up I'll get married and have a life. And my life with have lots of kids.  I'll be their ruler, and my life.

Me: You won't be ruler of your Wife.

Big D: No, me and my life will be rulers of all our kids.  And you can babysit all my babies and watch them and love them for me and my life.

On a side note, reports vary to how many babies the Big D will have.  He says God will bless him with 'lots' and 'many' some early reports estimate 100 all at once. He has also informed me that I am to cover everyone's eyes at his wedding so no one sees him kiss his new life.

Music to a Mama's Ear

No Bud...I don't think you look seven.

Big D: If you like my body and you think I'm seven, come on baby let me know! If you think I'm seven, if you think I'm seven let me knooooow.

The Big D likes to sing. He doesn't always have an ear for lyrics though. This coming from a mom who used to belt out "Davy, Davy Crockett, a man who don't know deer".  You know, it might be hereditary.

Big D: I love you too much. With Snails are my witness without you loving me back.

If you have watched the movie The Book of Life lately you might recognize the jingles he has stuck in his head.  If not...well I'm guessing you have at least heard the first one at some point. 

Josh-isms

Me: Hey what happened here? Where did this mess come from?

J: It must have been Daniel because it's never my fault right mom?

Me: Hey, indoor voice bud.

J: I don't have an indoor voice. My dad told me that.

Kids really don't comprehend sarcasm.

J: Mom you know what I forgot? I forgot to tell you my tales from preschool!

Me: You could tell me now.

J: OK, I will share my tales of preschool with you.

I feel as though he is going to be a poet, author, or playwright when he grows up.

J: You don't know everything mom.

Me: Yes I do.

J: nuh-uh

Me: What don't I know then?

J: uhmm...I don't know.

Me: Then how do you know that I don't know everything?

J: Because God is the only one who knows everything...and Trish.

Makes sense, God and preschool the source of all knowledge in the world.

J: I know never to talk to strangers. I watched a video and learned that in Preschool.

Me: That is good know and remember. You should only talk to strangers if Mom or Dad are with you.

J: But it's okay. I can just ask them their name and then they will be my friend not a stranger.

Because asking a question apparently doesn't count as a talking. It also explains him yelling at vehicles driving by: "Hey what's your name?"

J: Is the baby getting big?

Me: Yes she is, she is growing.

J: So her bones won't break if we step on her?

Me: Don't step on your sister.

J: hmmm...oh, ok.

And tummy time suddenly seems more dangerous.

They Say Everyone Has a Twin

This weekend the boys and I were vegged out on the couch watching Saturday morning cartoons.

There are many parts of parenting that are no where near the Hallmark visions that danced in my head pre-children, but nothing beats cuddling on the couch, sharing a blanket...and two quiet-not making a mess-angelic-sitting still-distracted little boys.

A commercial with Shaquille O'Neal came on advertising spray-on Gold Bond and my newly minted 4 year old got huge eyes and suddenly yelled out:

4 Year Old: Hey that looks like Uncle Don!

4 Year Old: Mom, he looks just like Uncle Don!!!

It was so funny and adorable.  So far all I can come up with is they are both quite tall...and have a mustache.
Don't worry I labeled the comparison so you won't get them mixed up.

**PS - I'm trying to convince my BIL to shave his head and carry around a basketball for Halloween.**

Moving on UP

Last month my sister's family moved, my contribution was bringing food, drinks, and snacks for the moving crew.  Considering I was told they had only wrangled one helper and his son (roundabouts the same age as the Toddler) I decided adding my two toddlers to the packing/moving equation may not help all that much.  But I could meet them there, have food and watch the kids (5 kids...what was I thinking?)

When I got there more and more vehicles kept arriving.  They had rounded up extra help last minute.  Luckily I tend to overcook and prepare, even so when 4 adults and 5 kids turned into 7 adults and 8 kids the main dish stretched pretty thin.  (8 kids....what was I thinking?)

My two urchins decided that morning at the grocery store that sugar cookies were a must, so I picked up a dozen.  We arrived before anyone else so I told the boys they could each have one cookie.  I'll tell you what, while I was assembling lunch I couldn't believe how long it took each of them to eat a cookie.  I mean at home they attack them like a Tasmanian Devil.  The mystery was solved when the work crew showed up and I realized there were only 3 cookies left.  It also explained their hyper behavior and jittery giggles.

 The Big D with Uncle D.....and his nemesis.

He is quite the manipulator...maybe he was channeling Yertle the Turtle?

Also the coffee table was placed to keep the kiddos in the back room with me and the toys while the big and heavy stuff was being moved.  My son viewed it as an opportunity to reach the light switch.

My sister never one to pass up an opportunity to up the ante on playing dinosaur...

you win B, you were the more ferocious dinosaur.
(I guess all those years in Speech and Drama paid off)

No one looking too impressed...I'm going to go with worn out.

Luckily care was taken and they remembered to pack and move their children.

 My nephews room was were all the action was.  After all, 6 of the 8 kidlets were boys.

 The Toddler liked the gun safe.

(He is his father's child)

I wish I had something clever and witty to say about this photo...but I don't.  It just makes me smile.

Caption contest? Comment below.

If You Can't Make Fun of Yourself...

I am a special kind of stupid. 

Bill Engval owes me a sign.

Stupid is as Stupid does...and I do Stupid well

I'm not even sure how I have made it this far in life...I'm shattering Darwin's theories daily.

A couple weeks ago I decided to start wearing my contacts again.  I had taken a break from them because my eyes felt really dry and the lenses weren't feeling/fitting comfortable.  I figured after one of the many allergy seasons I suffer from I would start again.  I dug through the drawer in the bathroom and put in a pair that had been marinating in solution for longer than necessary.  Popped them in and immediately my left eye was bugging me.  They were old so I tossed both contacts and opened up a new pair...new as in expired in December 2012, but previously unopened.

Expiration dates are just suggestions anyway right? Besides it was only January, I put them in and both eyes were watering, but I figured it had been a while since I wore contacts my eyes probably just had to get used to wearing them again.  I squirted some solution in each eye and was out the door for work.  By the time I got to work my eyes were stinging slightly and getting red.  Especially my right eye, I went home for lunch, took them out and scrubbed them and tried again.  Before my work day had ended I went into the bathroom and took both out and threw them away.  My eyes were stinging and kept watering.  When I got home my cheeks were red too. Were the solution had spilled over onto each cheek, it hurt to touch.  It felt kinda like a sunburn.  After 3 days the redness left, but I began to notice my right eye was having trouble focusing.  It felt like something was in my eye and my vision felt blurry.

Beginning of last week I decided to make an eye appointment.  I did some math and realized I hadn't had my vision checked since before I was married.  April will mark 4 years of matrimony...making it already 4 years since my last eye exam.  The Big D has broke both pairs of glasses, so I was feeling fortunate I legally don't need corrective lenses...but maybe I do.  It has been awhile.  I also decided since all eye related things I own were old that maybe the solution had evaporated and was more concentrated.  A glance over the ingredients contains boric acid.  Maybe that caused the stinging/burning?

So I described to the eye doctor who squeezed me in for a limited exam, that it felt like something was in my eye. Like there was a film over my vision on the right, how it had felt like a contact does when it slides off your eye and is stuck, and then how just before my appointment I had rubbed my eye and all the sudden my vision seemed to improve.  It still seemed a little blurry/filmy and my eye felt really dry.  All I could say is it felt like something was in there, but it didn't hurt.

Guess what?  There was something in there.....a contact.

Apparently it had been there a while.  It was not a good fit for my eye, it had tons of buildup on it and was misshapen. The buildup then got on my eye and made my eye and contact stick together.

How else can you describe it other than a special kind of stupid to forget a contact in your eye? To tell people for almost a week how it felt like a contact was in your eye....and not actually realize you had a contact in? I still am not sure how long it was in there.  A good chance it has been in since September.  Might have been the issue with putting a new pair in also. What with trying to double up in one eye.  Now I get to put drops in my eyes every couple hours for a week or two to clear all the gunk off my eye.

Hubby, are you sure it is a good call that I am the one at home raising our children?

I am of course deflecting blame and working on a plausible excuse.  So far my all I have for my story  is that I'm trying to function through insomnia, needy children, and attempting (apparently not well) to survive on a day to day basis.  Can we throw in a fake stroke too?

A Gentle Blizzard

Me:  What is the weather like?  It sounds bad and I heard the roads aren't very good. Like taking 2 1/2 hrs at 45mph bad.

Sister: I'd love you see you, but I don't want you coming and risking an accident. 

Me: It's snowing here, but we haven't got anything like they predicted so far. It was warm yesterday though so everything is pretty icy.  I heard you guys had 6 inches by this morning and it hasn't stopped coming down?

Sister: Ok, I wanted to say we have like a foot but didn't want to sound like I was exaggerating.  I was about to tell you it was a raging blizzard, but I just went outside and its more of a light breeze. 

Me:  So its a gentle blizzard? I mean as opposed to raging.

Sister: Yeah, I'd say that fits. 

PS - They are naming Winter Storms now days.  So officially I will refer to this one as Gandolf, the Gentle Blizzard.