Friday, March 30, 2012

Hi my name is Worry

Something has been eating away at me.  One of the remarks made repeatedly by the keynote speaker at the yellow ribbon ceremony is that after the deployment don't be surprised if you outgrow some of your friends, because they may simply no longer be able to relate to you. They can't understand what you have been through. I am not oblivious to the increased rate of divorce after deployment, and its bugging me because...I hope our relationship can't be outgrown.

I am a worrier by nature, anyone that knows me can tell you that.  But I already had been worrying about if the man I am about "stand beside" for a year without seeing him, will be the same man that comes home.  I have seen first hand some pretty impressive changes in personalities, and its hard because its something I can't prepare for. It is also something I don't know what the end result will be.  I know that I love my husband and that when we said our "I Do's", we meant forever. What if he comes home and I can't be there for him the way he wants/needs me to be?  I won't be able to understand or relate to what he has been through...I have no idea what he is in store for.  What if he "outgrows" me? All I have is a plan to send a care package every week he is gone from home...which seems weak at the moment.

Okay, I got that off my chest...from here on out positive thinking and happy countdowns until we are reunited. (Reunited...he isn't even gone yet...yeesh)

For the boys and some care package plans, I am going to order a Flat Daddy (like a fat head, but of the Hubby).  For holidays, birthdays, and other celebrations "the Hubby" can be in the pictures.  Also as it sounds like Skype will be limited, it will help the boys see daddy everyday.  We are also going to record him reading favorite books and stories, and do a few recordable books and a recordable photo album (which I am most excited about)  Daddy's voice will tell them about each picture

So far I am thinking of including:
Mommy & Daddy's wedding day
First time Daddy holding the Toddler
First time Daddy holding the Big D
5 Generation Pictures
Driving tractor with Daddy
Hanging out with Grandpa
Any of the Hubby's favorite pictures/memories he wants to share with the boys

Anywho - that's the plan to keep daddy's image and voice in their everyday lives while he is gone.


  1. My dear,

    I can't pretend to even know for a second what you're going through, but my heart is big and sore for you.

    You have great ideas for keeping in touch! And as you go, more will come to you, I'm sure. There are so many more ways, now, than there were even 20 years ago!

    I think of you often, and hold you and your little family tight in prayer!

    1. Thank you, prayers are always appreciated. I really didn't want to turn this blog into a pity party, but was just looking for an outlet. When the Hubby was gone to his school we didn't get much of a chance to talk.

      Hopefully I will be able to look back on this time and have a realistic memory of the emotions our family went through. Also if some other military spouse has similiar feelings, they can know they aren't alone.

      It is amazing to me how all the worry and doubts disappear as soon as he walks through the front door. Everything is all better and I know we will be fine. God is good.