Did I Give Birth to a Spider Monkey?

The Big D today has got on to the kitchen table FOUR times today! I am at my wits end, I can't keep this boy down...and we still need chairs for the kitchen table, so getting rid of them isn't an option.  They were all pushed in after the first time he crawled up, I can't figure out how he managed to get back up again.  Usually he is so hardheaded that after putting him back on the floor he is immediately retracing his steps to get back. So its easy to see how he does it....not today.  I'm stumped...and a little ticked.  I dried the roses the Hubby sent me for my birthday and had them on the table in a vase as a center piece and found my little deviant whacking at them.  He smushed and crushed a lot of the petals and heartlessly beheaded several of the roses. (He obviously isn't as sentimental as his mother)

Of course he also climbed up onto the computer desk multiple times (my own fault for not pushing in the chair).  Then at one point he crawled up and was standing on top of the printer swatting at pictures on the wall...and learned another method of getting on top of the desk. 

The Big D's Mission Impossible Game Plan:

• First climb up on chair and spin it (the chair is located there to keep you away from the outlet and abruptly killing power to the computer-use that against the enemy)
• From there climb up on the filing cabinet,
• Knock over the lamp and any pictures in your way,
• Push buttons on the printer and remove everything that can be removed (try and have the foresight to jam some crayons in any openings)
• From there you can shimmy and step over to the desk (you may also decide at this point to head dive off...just to give your Mother a heart-attack and to get her to try to hold her bladder until nap time)
• Throw the mouse and keyboard as far as you can
• Sweep everything else off, pay special attention to if a cellphone is there, with the right moves you should be able to get it to fall behind the file cabinet or drop into the toy box
• Try and see if the monitor will support your weight
• Repeat through out the day

Can you hear me pulling out my hair?

Really?  I need some help people?  Are ball and chains frowned upon these days?  How do I keep him on the ground?  I have the bookshelf blocked off so he can't impersonate King Kong anymore, but I am also now wondering how much longer his crib is going to hold him. Or I guess we could just get rid of all furtniture and use only floor pillows...

**PS- Dear Hubby, somehow this is your fault!